My Cat is a Narcissistic Bulimic Asshole

015cf4cc82832c6f7bc351ab9b4f837157922bba34

Little Man

It’s Saturday and my day off. I’m up a bit early as usual and eating my breakfast. The damn cats are meowing and walking near me in an effort to let me know that they are damn hungry and I need to feed them right damn NOW!

Pfft! Who’s the master of this house?

I ignore their meowing which pisses off Little Man. He then proceeds to make ungodly retching noises right at my feet. Holy Hell!

I kick gently nudge him away from my feet and he promptly pukes up what honestly looks like what should have come out of the other end. Ugh!

Then the little bastard looks up at me with the look of “What the hell you going to do about that, you stupid human?”

Now I’m ready to dropkick the little asshole into the next yard where a large pit bull resides, but knowing that Mrs. Aewl would disapprove, I clean up the puke and then put food in the cat bowl.

Ten minutes later as I’m reading a book and enjoying the early morning quiet, the bulimic bastard walks into the living room and promptly starts puking again!

At this point, I’m doing internet searches on ways to make a cat disappear without your spouse suspecting you were behind it….

50 is the new 30 – BullSh*t!

I’ve been blessed or cursed with the fact that I normally look much younger than I actually am over the years. At times I’ve fallen for this bullshit and attempted to do things that an older person really ought not to do. Last year when I turned 50, I must of heard the phrase “50 is the new 30″ at least a dozen times. In the last year I’ve had the following medical issues:

  • Twisted Bowel Syndrome – potentially life threatening
  • Had a chunk of my back cut out due to possible skin cancer
  • Severe migraine attack? Or possible kidney stone? Or possible sinus infection

When I was 30, I had no worries about medical issues other than drinking alcohol was killing me.

That last issue, which is still unresolved hit me last Saturday. I woke up with a killer headache and sharp stabbing pains in my head. No, I didn’t have a hangover, in fact, when I was actively drinking, I never had a hangover that bad! By Sunday, my lower back was aching pretty bad and then my legs and knees started hurting. All the while, the migraine in my head was doing it’s best to convince me to put a bullet in my head. Yes, the pain was that bad. Advil helped a bit. Benedryl somewhat helped for a few hours. Even a pain-killer I had leftover from my back surgery only gave momentary relief.

I called in sick to work on Monday and Tuesday which put a hurting on my co-workers as we are already short-staffed.

Wednesday rolls along and I go back to work even though I had a low-grade constant headache that is still with me today. I felt like I could work at about 80% of capacity of what I usually do. Turns out it was a bitch of a day with lots of heavy physical work. At one point, I remarked to the new guy that I was tired. He replied, “Yeah, I know what you feel like.”

WHAT?!?!?!?!

“Really? You are probably not even 25 and you know how I feel? I’m twice your age and working at 80% capacity and still running rings around you. Sheesh!”

That’s when I had an epiphany. 50 is the new 30 is only because the younger folk are mostly lazy shifty bums when it comes to work. They have no concept of what it means to actually exert themselves physically. Their work ethic is non-existent for the most part.

Yeah, I know, I’m bitching just like my father’s generation bitched about us. My father worked much harder at fifty than I do.

Crap it sucks getting old.

What’s Wrong With This Picture – Answers

Yesterday I put forth to you a simple picture with numerous safety infractions. Quite a few took up the challenge and spotted just about every safety infraction there was in the picture.

2010-0506-1000

Now for the answers:

  1. The forklift is on the pedestrian pathway.
  2. The propane cylinder is not clamped properly or aligned with the safety pin.
  3. The fire extinguisher is not fixed permanently. (It can roll and hit when the brake is applied.)
  4. The forklift operator doesn’t have eye contact with workers in the area.
  5. The operator’s right hand is covering the back light.
  6. The missing mirror has not been replaced (the left side-view mirror).
  7. The operator’s left leg is improperly positioned.
  8. The operator is not wearing a seatbelt.
  9. The teacup has been left unsecured.
  10. The operator is not wearing safety footwear.
  11. The rear-view mirror is not adjusted properly.
  12. The load is raised while travelling.
  13. The hanging debris under the pallet is a hazard

The only one that was missed was number 2. All in all, not a bad showing at all.

So tell me, did you enjoy this challenge? If so, let me know and I’ll do another next week.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Been busy at work with a project for our upcoming Safety day. This is a day that the entire company meets offsite to emphasize our Safety culture. As a member of the Safety Committee, I’m responsible for part of the event.

I came up with a little deal of “What’s Wrong With This Picture?”. I’m having six pictures blown up to poster size that shows various safety violations. This will be a competition to see which group will be able to pick out the most safety violations.

We will see how it goes. I’m expecting this to be a decent showing. Meanwhile here’s a quick preview of one of the posters. How many safety violations can you spot?

2010-0506-1000

I’ll post the full answers tomorrow.